Loneliness happens when you both are at one place, but cannot connect with each other. You both feel awkward to be alone with each other. There is neither physical nor mental intimacy between you. In simple words, you are a couple to the world out there, but not for yourselves.
Your interaction with your partner becomes hostile and argumentative, and you start assuming things. You stop sharing your feelings with your spouse because you now know that he/she will not be empathetic.
Why and how does such unpleasantness creep into one’s marriage?
Causes of Loneliness in marriage:
Loneliness is a common problem among millions of people across the world. According to a study on Swedes, there is a gender difference in loneliness among married people, with women experiencing it more than men (1). Here are a few reasons why loneliness can happen to you.
1. Bullying and terrorizing:
Your spouse thinks that he/she is all powerful. They bully you, and keep you under constant fear. Psychological and emotional abuse becomes a regular affair. You are afraid of your spouse because you do not know what circumstances can invite their wrath. This keeps you away from them as much as possible.
2. Hectic schedule:
A prominent reason for modern day divorces is a busy schedule of the couples. You and your partner are so busy with your careers or with family matters that you hardly get any time to spend together. This creates a vacuum and time widens that gap. When you sit back and think, you could feel the loneliness all around you.
3. Craving for emotional support:
Your mother is seriously ill and you are worried. However, your spouse doesn’t make an effort to ease your anxiety nor does he acknowledge the pain you are undergoing. When there is no emotional connect, there is no scope for emotional support. And when you know you will not get that from them, you prefer silence to sharing your emotions.
4. Rare physical intimacy:
When was the last time you got physically intimate with your partner? A naughty pinch or a warm kiss or a steamy night is not just for the body but for the mind too. The lesser you do that the wider is the gap between you two.
5. Lack of together time:
You are always surrounded by your kids or other family members. Or the family is so big that there is no time to steal a few private moments with your partner. Initially, you make an attempt to create some couple’s time for you both; but if that fails, you give up.
6. Experiences from the past:
Loneliness after marriage does not always stem from your spouse. The past events or relationships in your life can also be the culprit. According to research studies, your loneliness can also be the result of depression or friction with your parents or siblings, and your past relationship with them.
Loneliness need not always be in-your-face. It may be subtle, or you may be too busy to realize that you are lonely. So, how would you know if you are lonely in your relationship?
Signs of loneliness in a marriage:
Do not ignore the gut feeling that something is off between you and your partner. We’ll tell you the signs, which you can look out for in your relationship.
1. Did you get time to be intimate with your partner?
You can’t really remember? The very fact that you are thinking about your intimacy (or the lack of it) means something is amiss in the relationship. You may not be getting intimate with your spouse due to lack of interest, shortage of time, or lack of privacy. Whatever the reason might be, the absence of intimacy could be a sign of your loneliness.
2. You both don’t share your daily routines anymore.
You tell your spouse what you did through the day, they tell you about their routine, and you drift into a long conversation. Is this not the case with you? If your spouse simply rolls their eyes when you strike a conversation, or is busy checking his phone when you talk to him, then yes, your communication channel is not working the way it should.
3. You forget the special days.
You remember the assignment your children have to submit on Monday and the meeting you have to attend, but you do not remember your anniversary. Special days like birthdays and anniversaries bring a spark into our routines. But if you and your spouse forget such important days, it means that you no longer value them or care to have that ‘spark’ in your lives.
4. Your partner doesn’t ask you for things they want.
Your spouse is hesitant to come to you for help. They might try it for themselves and fail but won’t approach you. But this was not the case in the past. This could indicate a change in their attempts to depend less on you. Why would they do that? Consider if your response is a possible reason for your spouse’s behavior.
Loneliness is depressing, and if it due to your relationship with the person you love the most, then there could be no words to describe the feelings. But why should such feelings come at all? Nip them in the bud, and you will be free of depression.
5. Lack of together time:
You are always surrounded by your kids or other family members. Or the family is so big that there is no time to steal a few private moments with your partner. Initially, you make an attempt to create some couple’s time for you both; but if that fails, you give up.
6. Experiences from the past:
Loneliness after marriage does not always stem from your spouse. The past events or relationships in your life can also be the culprit. According to research studies, your loneliness can also be the result of depression or friction with your parents or siblings, and your past relationship with them .
Loneliness need not always be in-your-face. It may be subtle, or you may be too busy to realize that you are lonely. So, how would you know if you are lonely in your relationship?
