“Ha! God forbid! How can you ask me this question? Well, should this happen, I will just walk out of the room. Later, I will demand explanation from my man on why he cheated on me. But let me tell you the truth, I won't quit the relationship. If his explanation is ok, I will forgive him but it is not ok, I will leave him. Can you imagine the mental picture of the pain of catching someone you love doing it with another person? But before I ever forgive him, my parents and his own parents must be aware of what he did. He must confess in front of them. Anyway, this type of thing has not happened to me and nobody prays to experience it in life. Thank you".
If I catch my husband with another woman, what I will do is to pray for him to change his heart for him to stop cheating on me. However, I will feel sad and disappointed because of the trust I earlier had in my husband. It will hurt me so much because I am a human being. I don't pray it should happen to me. I so much love my husband.
Honestly speaking, it's a difficult situation to manage, but the ideal thing is to keep calm. Just make sure the man or the woman sees you then allow him to battle with his conscience.
As a woman whose trust has been shattered, broken and sometimes totally destroyed, it is difficult to put down in words how my reaction will turn out. There is no right way this is supposed to turn out. It is okay if I choose to divorce him. It is also okay if I still want to stay in the marriage. It is okay if my "mental state" can control myself so that I don’t poison him, run him down with a car or bring him to any kind of help that my mind can think of. Self-control is necessary here. The truth remains that a whole lot is at stake and a lot must be considered.
If I catch my husband with another woman, I'll walk away but if he tries to stop me, I'll act violently like break things, scream or even hurt myself. My next action would be to take the kids and distance myself from him so I can heal. If someone close to you breaks your trust, it's a betrayal and the pain can leave deep wounds. Trust me any type of betrayal can cause emotional distress, but when a spouse you depend on to respect your needs and generally help safeguard your well-being violates the trust you’ve placed on them for me, I won't pretend about the way I'll feel.
There is a saying that goes this way; it is a man's nature to cheat because men are polygamous in nature. Men claim it is their right because they are free to marry as many wives as possible. Therefore, if my husband wants to cheat on me he should make sure that I am better than the girl and not in our matrimony bed. It should not also be with my friend. He should also make sure he protects himself. As long as I am concerned, I will never leave my marriage because my husband cheated. What about my children? I will be mad at him for cheating that is the truth. However, we will live in the same house, but as strangers. I will find it difficult to trust him again. My love for him might reduce and I will feel betrayed especially if both of us started and built a life together. I will not deny him food but will deny him access to me until I get over the betrayal. In fact, I will concentrate on my children and business. I will cover his shameful act and I will not let it out to the public because no marriage is better. Marriage they say is for better and for worse. Marriage is not a bed of roses. I will pray for strength to move on and forgive him because he is still my husband.
Marriage is an institution involving only two partners and those partners are said not to be perfect beings but beings aspiring to be perfect. This means that lots of things are bound to go wrong. The number one rule that governs this wonderful institution is forgiveness. Though according to Bible sleeping with another woman is the only reason to divorce your husband, but same Bible also said we should forgive 70x70 times. My husband cannot cheat without a reason, I will forgive him, then find out the reason behind his action which I will work on in order to have my husband back. Men are like babies, meaning they need attention and if they can't get it from their wives, any woman that offers them that becomes their comfort zone. No man in his right sense will be in a peaceful and happy home with a wife ready to play as his mother, wife, a side chick, prostitute, and so on, will think of cheating on his wife. Forgiving my husband and being ready to play the role of that lady to whom he cheated on me is what makes me his wife.
Some men have epitomized the phrase "that once a cheat, always a cheat". If I am faced with that kind of a man, then I need to ask myself some hard questions: can I live a life of perpetual sadness? Can I live a life of uncertainty? What would be the fate of my children? Can I give myself sincere answers to these questions and many, then the decision to stay or leave lies with me. However, if my husband is remorseful and genuinely apologetic for his action, then I will also be willing to reconsider a whole lot of things. I will make sure I find out why he cheated in the first place. Some men are one time cheats, while some are unrepentant cheats. The question is how many times would I keep forgiving him or do l simply pretend that he is not cheating just to remain married even though I am unhappy? Meanwhile, there is no secret to a successful marriage. The secret lies in my hands. Remember, a kneeling woman is a powerful woman.
At that moment I will feel abandoned, I will feel replaced by someone else, as if I am no longer needed, wanted and will eventually be discarded. It will hurt my pride as a woman and worth as a person and I will feel that all my love and efforts are in vain. However, I will take these 5 practical steps- Give it some time, talk to my husband, avoid cutting in on what my husband is saying, ask my husband to open up to me and finally ask questions if need be, but try to focus on the facts. Meanwhile, I will not put him out or leave him. I will not tell the whole world about his infidelity. I will not ignore his affair or pretend it is not happening. I will not confront him without 3 P's- proof, a plan and a purpose. I will not waste my time and energy on the other woman. In all, I will let God's direction be prominent in my marriage. It is written: men ought to always pray and not faint (Luke 18:1). So, I will keep praying for a change.
We will still observe the sit-at-home order to save our lives- Mr. Sunday Egbo A trader at Onitsha head bridge market, Mr. Sunday Egbo, said him and other traders in the market would continue to obey the sit-at-home order to save their lives until the IPOB fully decide otherwise. He said people will continue to observe the day in fears because the government of the day has failed the masses in protecting life and property as enshrine in the Constitution of the federal Republic of Nigeria. How can we not observe the order every Monday, when the government has refused to deploy security personnel across the streets and roads to boost the people’s morals to go out for their daily activities. You Journalists should help us tell the governors in Igbo land that if they want the common man/woman to go out every Monday, they should deploy security officers across communities in South east states as that will build their confidence. He equally urged IPOB to create more awareness campaign through town carriers, continue announcement in Radio Biafra, to put out the fears from the people, since they have announced the cancellation of the every Monday sit-at-home order. He noted that the order has started affecting the economy of the region.
My name is Ogadimma Onwukwe from Imo State, The reason was because people of the South East want the right thing to be done especially regarding the release of the leader of IPOB, Nnamdi Kanu, who was being detained by the DSS on the order of President Mohammadu Buhari and APC led Federal Government of Nigeria. People need a positive change of government in line with democratic tenets so that they will live well, peacefully and comfortably.
Name: Tom James Winnie From: Imo State Occupation: Business woman Fear of the Unknown o, I cannot carry my family and come out when we are not sure if is true or not. I love my life and I can’t afford for my shop to be burnt or any of my family members to beaten up because of not sitting at home.
Name: Gift Nwoko From: Imo State Occupation: Nurse For security reasons o. Unfortunately, the IPOB boys has become violent. What their leaders know is to be giving order but they are not here to control the boys from becoming violent. The IPOB boys might not listen to their leaders and might attack any one they see outside. So that is the reason I didn’t come out o
Peter Ikegwuonu: "I am a dealer in vegetable oil. I stayed at home for my personal security. There were confusion on Monday morning whether the sit-at-home would go ahead or not. And for someone like me, I decided to stay safe by staying in my village with my parents. It is true that my business in town was not opened but it is better to avoid problems than risk my life. What happened last week Monday in Nnewi, Mbaise and some other places put fear in me."
Mazi Kindness Jonah (Human right Activist) Many people in Enugu for instance did not come out despite the cancellation of the sit-at-home order by leadership of Indigenous People of Biafra (IPOB) because they had conditioned their minds not to come out of their houses on that said Monday. It also showed that the masses have lost hope in the constituted authority. They are tired of the rottenness in the society, tired of the establishment, tired of the system, tired of the misrule. That people were indoors last Monday due to fear. We want the government at all levels to be sensitive to the plight of the ordinary man in the street so that people can have confidence in them and obey them. The IPOB leader, Mazi Nnamdi Kanu is a non-state actor yet he is obeyed even while in detention. This speaks volume of how disillusioned the people have become. It is a sign of hopelessness.
My name is Comrade Elekwachi Chinedum, a Social commentator, from Ebonyi State Laughs! It is fear. The people are trying to apply caution knowing what is the trademark of the members of the IPOB. It is unfortunate that IPOB lately has come violent and this is why the people are against their wish. Everyone wants to be alive and it is as simple as anything! From Comrade Elekwachi Chinedum
First, it was mis-information by some miscreants who felt Kanu and IPOB leadership had gone soft or been bribed to terminate the Monday sit at home order. Second was the palpable fear stemming from the sad events that marked the previous Monday's observance. One person even told me that he personal refused to stop observing the sit at home because Nnamdi Kanu was yet to be released by the Federal government which was the essence of instituting the civil disobedience in the first place. From O'star Eze. Peace Educator, Public Affairs Analyst From Awka, Anambra state.
Mr Chinedu Okolo, Transporter, operating in Onitsha, Anambra State: Nigeria is a country where you cannot predict what will happen tomorrow. It is saddening that no matter how you render services to this country, you will end up being not appreciated. These players should have special remuneration that will keep them to death because they suffered a lot to put the country image to a higher pedestal. Most of them now are bedridden with no medical care and good food. But google their names, you will see praises and awards. This is absolutely ridiculous and I am using this medium to call on government, especially those in sports ministries to go back to records and begin to identify with these great talents. Their prayers and blessings will go a long way in the sports development of Nigeria.
Mr Odinaka John Ugwoegbulam, from Ogwa in Mbaitoli LGA, a sanitary engineer, resident in Owerri, Imo State capital: For me, I don't think it's necessary considering the level of unemployment in this country, when the government still finds it difficult to pay the people who are currently working. Business people and artisans are not even considered as part of the citizens of this country, because the government has done absolutely nothing to help people from such departments. So talking about people who have already been paid for their services, I don't think it's necessary; rather what I think is that government should carry them along by fixing them in one or two places where they could be actually productive and active in building of the upcoming ones and become relevant in one way or the other. No country in the world considers them as pensioners; rather they engage them in other activities where they can be helpful to the growth of the economy of the country. I will advise anybody who is a sports person; footballer or whatever to make investments to make hay while the sun shines, as it is said that the firewood you gather during the dry season is what you use during the rainy season.
Mr Ozems Chimezie I don't think that the demand of our Ex- internationals are in order, when you take into account that they were paid and even pampered by the authorities when they were in active service. It would have been a different thing if they were treated like teachers who are expecting their reward in heaven. Theirs was not a thankless job as they were handsomely rewarded by their respective clubs and the country. They should not expect any assistance from the federal government or sports authorities when they are in trouble, after being adequately taken care of during active service. The truth of the matter is that most of them mismanage their wealth and they don't invest, bearing in mind that they will retire one day.
Stephen Kalu, from Ihechiowa, Arochukwu LGA of Abia State, a former footballer: The problem is because our football administrations from top to lower levels are entrusted in the hands of non-footballers and non-sportsmen. The condition of ex-footballers in Nigeria is unfortunate. Go to football clubs in -Nigeria today and you discover that those at the helm of affairs never played football or played any sporting game for Nigeria. A situation where politicians and other inexperienced persons are manning football administration in Nigeria would continue to worsen the travails of ex-footballers. Go to Egypt and Ivory Coast, you will discover that anybody who did not play football or any other sports is never appointed into sporting positions. The case is different in Nigeria and that is why no one cares for retired players.
Mr Chinonso Nnajiofor, from Owerri-Nkworji, Nkwerre LGA, Imo State: Well, from my perspective, I think Ex sports internationals should stop berating the government at the later stages of their lives because sports is what they chose as their profession, and just like every other professional, such as medical doctors and legal practitioners, they should make maximum use of their wages during their active sporting days. No medical doctor, for example, has ever come out at old age to lament the government's abandonment, except probably in terms of retirement entitlement s due to such a person if he worked in a government hospital. Hence there should be no need for any sportsperson to make claims of abandonment because they were paid for their services for the nation, as well as in the various clubs they served. I urge them to cultivate the habit of optimising the resources at their disposal by making maximum use of money paid for their services during their active days. However, if the government owes them any allowances or bonuses, there is a solid ground to make such claims.
Samuel Okoro (Big Sammy), a Sports journalist: The truth is that sports has always been a budding place of wealth. A lot of athletes have made good fortunes from different sporting activities. While we can't deny that every man has different routes to success, we can't trivialise the importance of financial management and investment in the lives of some of these athletes. For the ex-internationals, a good number of them had it rosy back then and failed to invest in their tomorrow. Should it be a burden to the Nigerian government now? No. But should the government watch as our heroes who gave their all to defend the badge of the Nation waste? No is the answer. There must be a balance. The truth is, it is not mandatory for the government to always give financial assistance to all of them. But some cases are rare, and in those cases, the government can decide to come out and assist. Let's not forget, a couple of the ex-internationals have colleagues who are faring very well, what was the magic; financial management and investments.
Mr Daniel Duru, from Oguta LGA, Imo State, an activist and convener, Concerned Imo Citizens for Good Governance: In all sincerity, anyone, under any guise who justifies government abandonment of some of these our aging heroes and heroines needs to have his head examined. Without sentiments, it's a truism that most of these men and women who put their bodies on the line in projecting the name of the country internationally, deserve to be treated well, much more than the political leaders, most of who stole the common wealth of the country, and are ironically placed on pension after they have left office. The summation of my response is that these men and women deserve a better treatment after leaving active service, other than being abandoned. They did contribute to the country, and even more than the political leaders (who are taken care of after office). The truth remains that the biggest problem of Nigeria is leadership.
Ogochukwu Anioke, a journalist and state correspondent of The Nation Newspaper in Ebonyi State. I'm also an active amateur footballer with Alpha Football Club of Abakaliki. It boils down to lack of preparation by the players for life after football. They failed to get an education or skills that they can survive on. Many of them were wasteful, with their money while playing, instead of investing in good businesses that will sustain them. However that does not mean that government should not have welfare packages for our ex-footballers. They (NFF) and Sports ministry should look at having a pension scheme for ex-footballers as is done in countries like England.
Osinachi Nwachukwu, a sports journalist: I will say that such clamour is 100 per cent justifiable. Professional sportsmen and women need annual pension plans and benefits from the Federal Government (Sports Ministry) after retirement from active sports because they have served the country in that capacity. Some of the stories we hear about some of our ex- sportsmen and women are not too good, because the transition from active sports, especially from football to something else which is not usually easy, is not there in Nigeria. In advanced countries, leagues and other sporting activities are well developed and properly managed, which include good salaries and allowances, a conducive economic environment which will help to generate opportunities to make life easier for these athletes. This is exactly what is lacking in Nigeria today, where allowances and salaries are usually irregular. You will see a case where salaries are owed for months in addition to the poor economic environment which has made life difficult for the athletes. Now how do they plan for retirement if allowances are irregular? That is why you see some of our heroes living like paupers, some doing drugs, while some are suffering from different degrees of life-threatening injuries sustained while representing their country. There is a National Association of Nigerian Professional Footballers (NANPF) to help in ensuring a better and healthier life after football for its members. But the question is, how active is this body in achieving the said goal? I suggest we holistically look into this and set up a working plan for all the athletes that are representing or represented the nation at any capacity, to help in catering for these heroes when they retire from active sports. All hands must be on deck to achieve it. Some of our athletes choose to represent other countries because of their attractive welfare packages.